Meri thinks she would have been smacked if she’d reported the man who sexually abused her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Meri says that as a child in the 1970s, it would not have occurred to her to report an adult for any wrongdoing.
She has spoken in detail for the first time about the sexual abuse she experienced, and says she is glad to have done so.
When Meri was about nine years old, she was sexually abused by the caretaker at her school, Mr Jones.
She is not sure how she got into the situation where she was abused, but can piece together memories of what happened. She remembers being in Mr Jones’ room and sitting on a high workbench. He put his tongue in her mouth and touched her genital area. He undid his trousers and got her to touch him.
‘It definitely happened more than once’ she says. Afterwards, he gave her sweets.
Meri remembers that Mr Jones was an old man, but she adds that when you are nine, a lot of adults seem old. But he definitely seemed much older than her parents were at the time.
She says she was very close to her parents and they noticed that she often had sweets, but she made up a story to explain where she got them. She comments that she must have known that ‘something was not right about it’ to have done this.
Meri used to tell her friends that she was going to a lunchtime club when she was going to the caretaker’s room. She adds that she did not feel there was any coercion from Mr Jones. ‘I suppose you would say I was going there willingly’ she says. After he abused her, he would look out to see if anyone was nearby and send her off.
On the last occasion Meri went to Mr Jones’ room, he had his top off. She remembers not liking the grey hairs on his chest because her dad didn’t have grey hair. She says ‘I can remember thinking I don’t really like this and don’t want to do it anymore … I didn’t really understand what it was all about’.
She politely told Mr Jones she didn't want to come any more and went to play with her friends. She has no memory of talking to him again after this.
Meri says she suppressed her memories of the abuse for many years, but they came flooding back with media coverage of the Jimmy Savile sexual abuse case. ‘It made me realise … it isn’t just me this happened to.’
Then Meri heard a radio advert for the Truth Project and decided she wanted to talk about her experience. She considered reporting it to the police but thinks the perpetrator will be dead by now. But, she adds, ‘If he was still around, I’d like to think I’d do something about it’. She also worries that she would be judged by people if she talks about it now.
She says she doesn’t think she was upset by the abuse, and to this day she doesn’t understand why this was. She also finds it hard to understand why she went into Mr Jones’ room, and thinks this confusion is one reason she has not talked about the abuse before.
She comments that back in the 1970s, when she was abused, ‘there was no talk of paedophiles ... you couldn’t speak about an adult doing any wrong’.
There was never anyone around at school to protect or supervise the children. There was no way to report the abuse. Meri says ‘I wouldn't have dreamt of talking to a teacher, you could get a smack for story telling’. She is sure Mr Jones would have denied it anyway. ‘Back then, adults were “king” … no one would have taken my word over that of an adult.’
She says that children should be protected from the sort of situation she was put in, being allowed to go into a room alone with a member of staff. She stresses that all staff who come into contact with children should be thoroughly vetted, not just teachers.
Meri would like there to be a mechanism for children to talk about their concerns to someone they can trust, and says children should be educated and encouraged to report anything they feel is not right.
Although Meri has told her husband a little about her experience of child sexual abuse, she had never spoken about it in detail, and says she feels much better having been able to talk about it.