When Minnie told a Brownie leader she was being sexually abused, she was told off for being ‘rude’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Minnie was raped multiple times by her stepfather.
He convinced her she had a terminal illness and claimed that sexually abusing her would ‘cure’ her.
Minnie lived with her mother, stepfather, Lou, and two siblings. She thinks she was about five years old when Lou started sexually abusing her. He showed her pornographic pictures, made comments about her clothes, telling her to wear skirts, and made her sit on his knee. He isolated her from the rest of the family by taking her out or insisting she played in a separate room.
He touched her intimately and would try to justify it by saying ‘I have to do this ... it’s part of growing up’. But he also warned her not to tell anyone.
This sexual abuse went on for about two years. Then when Minnie was seven years old, her stepfather raped her. She says he did this over several years ‘at every opportunity’.
At some point, Minnie became aware that one of her older siblings had told their mother that Lou was sexually abusing her. They were not believed, and sent to live with relatives. Minnie thinks that this put her off telling anyone she was also being abused, but she adds that she was very protective of her mother and didn’t want to ‘disrupt the family home’.
When she was about nine, Lou started physically hurting her. He also convinced her she had cancer and that his sexual abuse would cure it.
At this point, Minnie told the leader of her Brownie pack that she didn’t like what Lou was doing to her and how much it hurt. The leader dismissed her, saying ‘Don’t talk about stuff like that, it’s really rude’.
Just before her 10th birthday, Minnie was in a lot of pain at school having been raped the night before. She went to the toilets and realised she was bleeding quite badly. She was found by a family member in a scared and distressed state, and she told them what had happened.
The following day when Minnie went to school, she was taken to a room where the headteacher, some police officers and a social worker were waiting for her. Her relative had reported the abuse to her own mother, who alerted the authorities.
Minnie says she thought she was in trouble at first and panicked, but the police reassured her. Lou was arrested, tried and sent to prison.
When the abuser was released from prison, Minnie says ‘It was a horrible time for me … I was as strong as I could be’. At the time she was at college and planning her career, and she says ‘It all got too much’.
Minnie suffers with numerous long-term effects resulting from the sexual abuse, and has been having counselling for many years. She feels constantly wary of who is near her, and has unpleasant vivid dreams and panic attacks, which are often triggered by smells that remind her of the abuse.
She believes that campaigns that raise awareness of inappropriate touching are particularly important to help children who are being sexually abused at home, because they may find it hard to understand what is right and wrong within their own family.
Minnie feels she is overly anxious as a mother. She struggles with intimacy but says her husband is very kind and supportive.