Naomi says that in the church she belonged to, a culture of denial is still facilitating abuse
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Naomi grew up in a strict and insular religious community with her parents, and siblings. She describes how she was brought up to fear anyone outside the Jehovah’s Witness church as untrustworthy, and to see all members of the congregation as family.
Children were often cared for by other church members and this mutual trust allowed a man to sexually abuse Naomi for several years.
Naomi recalls that from a young age, children in her church had to study their religion and attend long meetings. The adults would respond to questions with prepared answers. The children would ‘cold call’ on houses, accompanied by parents or other adults.
The congregation member who sexually abused Naomi was married to a friend of her mother. The couple had children and would often visit Naomi and her family in their home. The sexual abuse took place in the family home and in the abuser’s car. It began when Naomi was about eight years old and continued into her adolescence.
Naomi says she was very fond of the abuser’s wife and did not disclose the sexual abuse because she wanted to protect her. She also worried about the impact it might have on other church members if she spoke about it.
But after Naomi married a man from the congregation she told her husband that she had been sexually abused and who the abuser was. She says her husband tried to support her but found it hard to cope and she found herself comforting him.
The abuse was reported to the church and a senior male elder of the congregation came to speak with Naomi. Still concerned about his wife and children, at first she did not identify the abuser. But worried that other young girls might be at risk from him, she later decided to give his name to the elders.
They instructed her not to talk to anyone else about the sexual abuse and told her that she had to directly accuse the abuser face to face, or by letter or phone. They also advised her that they couldn’t tell her that she should go to the police but that she may want to consider this option.
Then another girl who had been abused by the same man came forward. Naomi explains that as there were now two victims/survivors, the church’s ‘two witness rule’ applied and restrictions were put on the abuser. The restrictions included making him sit at the back of the church and preventing him from socialising.
Later, Naomi did report the abuse to the police. The abuser was arrested and a criminal trial took place. She recalls how very difficult this was for her as members of the church gave character witness evidence on behalf of the accused. The abuser was found guilty and placed on the sex offenders register for five years. He was temporarily ‘disfellowshipped’ from the church.
After the trial, the abuser’s wife asked Naomi to meet her. Naomi says this was important for her as she counted her as a good friend. Following this, the abuser’s wife divorced him. Naomi says ‘he lost everything, his wife and family’. She learned later that he had abused another girl from the church.
Naomi feels strongly about the culture in the church that encourages the belief that no member would ever sexually abuse a child. She would like the church to equip adults to manage abuse and offer genuine pastoral support to victims. She thinks the rule that requires two witnesses to abuse should change as this makes it hard to protect children.
She would like her abuser to acknowledge his offence. She says ‘to close this chapter in my life he should have admitted what he did, that what he did was wrong and that he was sorry – but he never did’.
Commenting on his temporary disfellowship from the church, she adds ‘How can you be truly repentant unless you admit what you’ve done?’
Naomi is content with her life but says her relationship with her mother has been difficult, partly due to her mother’s allegiance to her religion. She cannot accept that Naomi is gay.
When Naomi left the church, she also lost other people she believed were her friends.