After years of abuse, Neelam is still repeatedly threatened that she must not ‘dishonour’ her family
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Neelam grew up in the 1970s and 80s and has dual heritage. Her father was from South Asia and her mother from the north of England.
When she was a very young child, her father took her to his home country where she was ‘contracted’ into a marriage, and later physically and sexually abused by family members.
Neelam has very few early memories of her mum because she was only three years old when her father took her abroad. Her mum did not know where they had gone.
Neelam knows that soon after she arrived in South Asia, she was pronounced by family members to be ‘engaged’ to her uncle’s son in Pakistan. This meant that she ‘belonged’ to her uncle’s family.
For a time she was passed between families and often left to fend for herself on the streets, depending for survival on the charity of people in the community.
When she was about nine years old, her father brought her back to the UK. He had remarried and he completely neglected her, leaving her to suffer continual physical and emotional abuse by her stepmother.
Neelam now knows that her mum was living a short distance away but had no idea where her daughter was. She remembers how unwanted and unloved she felt.
An adult nephew of her stepmother, Abdul, began to sexually abuse her. He would come to see her at school and give her sweets, but no one asked who he was. At home, Abdul used to come to her bedroom at night when her father was out working and sexually abuse her. The sexual abuse continued for about five years, until Neelam was in her teens.
Neelam’s school attendance was erratic and when she was there, she was isolated with no friends and suffered bullying. Her father often kept her out of school so she could work in the family business. Some of the men who worked in the business abused Neelam.
When the educational welfare officer visited the family home, Neelam was told to say that she was often absent from school because she suffered from period pains.
Neelam says that staff at school were concerned about her being neglected. Her stepmother was sometimes called in but always said that Neelam was a liar.
When she was about 15, Neelam was forced to marry Abdul’s brother Ali. After this, she was regularly raped by both men. Before the wedding, she caught sight of her birth certificate and saw her biological mother’s details.
For the 10 years that she was married, she was held prisoner in the home by Ali and Abdul, with no contact with the outside world. The men threatened her, saying that if she disobeyed them, she would dishonour her family. She had children, and was terrified for their safety.
Eventually, she took the courageous decision to escape with her children to a refuge. She was forced to keep moving around to hide from Ali, but he did find her once.
Neelam suffers serious effects from the trauma and abuse she has been subjected to for most of her life. She has had a mental health breakdown and felt suicidal many times.
She finds comfort in caring for her children. She did manage to find her birth mother, but sadly had little time with her as she died shortly after they reconnected.
Neelam explains that she came to the Truth Project to share her experiences in the hope it might make a difference to other victims and survivors. She wants to encourage people in similar situations to speak out, and would like to campaign to raise awareness of the issues she has faced.