Nelson would like to see more education for young people on grooming by sexual predators
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Nelson was sexually abused by a man who was in a position of trust.
He ‘buried’ the abuse for years and it was only as an adult that he could see how he was manipulated by the abuser.
Nelson grew up with his parents and a younger brother. He says he and his brother were physically well cared for but they had little emotional connection with their mother and father.
Nelson belonged to the Scouts. One of the leaders ran and coached at a sports club which Nelson started attending.
The coach soon began to create opportunities to get Nelson on his own. He told him ‘You’re better than your mates’ and offered him extra lessons. He invited Nelson on summer trips, and sexually abused him.
When he was 16, Nelson left home and began training for a career, and the abuse ended.
Nelson says that looking back as an adult, many things are now clear to him that he did not understand at the time. He can see that the coach used his position to access children and he engaged in ‘classic grooming’ behaviour, presenting himself as helpful and trustworthy. ‘That's how he got to me’ says Nelson.
He has suffered with depression and has found it difficult to maintain relationships. He says it was only when he had an emotional breakdown that he linked it with his feelings and behaviour.
Nelson has blamed himself for being abused and finds it difficult to be with other males. He says ‘I have never felt good enough to be part of a group’. He still feels vulnerable and worries that he will repeat the same patterns he has fallen into in his relationships.
Nelson has told his counsellor about the abuse and has begun to speak to friends about it too. He believes if he had sought help earlier he would not have hurt so many people.
When it occurred to him that the abuser might still be alive, he decided to report him to the police. They took a statement and soon after told him that the coach had been convicted and is now dead. Nelson says he was relieved because it meant he was not hurting anyone else.
Nelson would like to see adverts that show the impact of child sexual abuse on victims. He feels that teenagers do not have the awareness to deal with the manipulation of abusers and they need help to identify situations that could be grooming. ‘Stranger danger has its place but it’s not the only message we should teach children’ he says.
He adds that as a nation, we need to place as much importance on our mental health as we do on our physical health.