Norman says ‘I feel better now I’ve started talking about the abuse’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
For over 50 years, Norman has been debilitated by the effects of child sexual abuse he suffered.
Norman grew up in the 1960s. He was one of a number of children, who all lived with their mother. He explains that his mum had a chronic health condition and often had to be admitted to hospital.
On one occasion, when Norman’s mum was away, a family friend, Mr A, came to collect him from home. Norman was about four or five years old.
Mr A lived with his wife and child. He was active in the local church, and Norman and his family had visited him several times and spent time with him during public holidays.
Mr A drove to Norman’s house in his car. Norman finds it difficult to talk about what happened. He remembers being bathed by Mr A. The man digitally penetrated his anus, and would make Norman ‘do things to him’.
Norman adds, with distress at the memory, ‘He told me if I told anyone I wouldn’t see my mum and dad again’.
Norman isn’t sure how long the abuse went on for, but he knows that Mr A abused him every time he visited. ‘I couldn’t tell anybody’ he says. ‘I couldn’t mix with other children and do normal stuff.’
The abuse stopped when his mum’s health improved. At times when she was unwell, Norman was looked after by a next-door neighbour. ‘She was lovely’ he recalls.
When he was about eight years old, Norman was sexually abused by one of his uncles. This abuse happened in the uncle’s house. He has blocked most of it out, but remembers being touched on his genitals, the things his uncle said, and his face when he was abusing him.
The uncle also threatened Norman about what would happen if he told anyone about the abuse. ‘He told me I’d be taken away’ says Norman.
The abuse stopped when Norman got older and did not have to visit his uncle any more, but he was severely affected by his experiences.
He became extremely withdrawn. ‘I couldn’t speak … I just sat there all the time’ he says. When he was in his early teenage years, he tried to take his own life.
At school, he found the work difficult and this was made worse by not feeling he could ask questions or ask for help.
As he grew older, he found relationships difficult. Norman was married for a time, and has children. ‘I’ve lived alone for a long time, I’m very quiet and it’s hard to make friends.’
Norman lives in poor-quality housing that needs repairs, and is badly affected by the anti-social behaviour of neighbours. At times he has slept outside to avoid these problems.
Norman feels strongly that children should be heard and believed. He is not sure if anything would have helped him speak about the abuse he suffered earlier, but says ‘having someone nice to sit down and talk to … that would have helped’. He adds that this should be available in schools.
He only started talking about the abuse very recently. He suffers from anxiety and depression, and began seeing a counsellor and then joined a survivors’ group. He says ‘It helped me a lot. I feel better in myself. It feels better now I’ve started talking about it, but bad that it happens to so many people’.
Norman adds that he also receives good support from his GP.