Neglected and abused, Oli was desperate for someone to help him but he says ‘no one noticed me’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Oli had a chaotic childhood. He was passed between his parents and different care placements, and frequently abused.
He tried to get attention through his behaviour, but nobody helped him.
Oli was born in the 1960s. His parents separated when he was very young and his dad had a conviction for offences of indecency.
He and his sibling moved between their parents. They were neglected and emotionally abused, and at times they were in care, either in children’s homes or with foster parents.
In one foster placement, when Oli was about five, another older foster child tried to force him to carry out oral sex.
‘Nothing was done and I wasn’t believed’ he says, but he adds that he and his sibling were moved from the foster home soon after.
During a period when the children were with their father and his partner, they lived in a van. ‘It wasn’t very good because I was always the new kid in a new school … never made any friends.’
He remembers waking up one night and his father was exposing himself. He relates ‘I got a good hiding for waking up’.
When the family lived in a house, Oli says he and his sibling were locked in the bedroom from the early evening. They used to wet themselves and Oli remembers that he hardly ever slept properly because he was always waking up soaking wet.
Oli and his sibling were given small amounts of very plain food, with one reasonable meal on Sundays.
He knows from his records that he was sent to see a psychiatrist because he was performing badly at school and became aggressive and violent towards his sibling.
When Oli was about nine, ‘my mum came back on the scene’ and he and his sibling went to live with her. But after a few years, they returned to their father, because ‘my mum was quite handy with her fists … she used to get angry a lot’.
Oli can remember running away from home and sleeping rough for a week, and running around naked when he was living with his mum.
Oli thinks he used to strip his clothes off in the hope it would attract someone’s attention who would help him, but ‘nobody noticed me’. He was picked on and humiliated by other children in the school, and he often used to hide in the cloakroom so no one could see him.
Oli returned to live with his dad. ‘I never felt anywhere was home’ he says.
He does not remember seeing any social workers during his childhood. He says he never talked to any of his teachers about what his home life was like.
For many years, Oli did manual jobs, but he was badly injured in an accident and is now unable to work.
He has not been able to maintain a relationship and he does not have contact with any family members. ‘Nothing has ever been sustained in my life’ he says.
He still feels as he did when he was a child hoping for help – that no one notices him or thinks he is worth their attention. ‘If I talk to someone, they’ll go off into another conversation’ he says. He thinks that people take advantage of him.
As an adult, Oli once exposed himself. He thinks he might have done this for the same reason he used to strip his clothes off – to try and get attention and support.
Oli is an avid football fan and says this is the only thing that makes him feel ‘I belong to something’. However, he can sometimes feel let down by people involved with the game, and also finds it very expensive.