A lack of affection from her parents made Orla vulnerable to abuse by an older relative
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Orla grew up in a school for the deaf in the 1980s. She can hear, but her mother and sister are deaf and Orla acted as a translator for the family.
She was sexually abused by her paternal grandfather, who worked at the school.
Orla’s parents had a troubled marriage and after they separated, she and her sister were left in the care of their paternal grandparents, who were in their 70s. Social services wanted to take the children into care but their grandmother fought to keep them.
When she was about four years old, Orla’s grandfather started grooming and abusing her. It began with what she thought was ‘a fun game’. He would take her into the toilet with him and make her hold his penis while he urinated. The abuse escalated, with him getting Orla to touch him in his bed or in his car.
Orla remembers an occasion when her grandmother caught him doing this, but says she ignored the ‘panic looks and red faces’.
In time, Orla’s mother remarried and had another child. She took her older daughters back to live with her, but Orla says she never felt any affection from her mother. She continued to go to her grandparents’ home where she did get attention.
Her grandfather referred to her as his ‘princess’ and gave her presents and money. She would lie under a blanket with him while he touched her. She remembers that sometimes he would do this when there were other people in the room, and because they didn’t say anything, she thought his behaviour was ‘normal’.
Orla says that her grandfather tried to penetrate her on one occasion, and she remembers the pain. She once saw her sister in bed with him and warned her against going in there again.
The abuse continued for about nine years, until Orla was in her early teens. She told her mother and stepfather about it, but they did not respond.
Looking back, Orla understands that she was always looking for attention, and says she ‘went off the rails’. She had sex with an older boy, started going out wearing clothes and make up that made her look much older, and enjoyed being noticed by men.
She began a relationship with a man called Ted who was in his 20s, but says that she told him she was 18. She became pregnant and her family forced her to have a termination.
After this, Orla went to live with her father and his new family. She told her father about the abuse by her grandfather, and he asked if Orla wanted to press charges against him. She said no, because of the effect it would have on her grandmother.
The impact of the abuse has been significant. Orla has been a drug abuser, and is still dependent on alcohol. She suffers from depression and has had suicidal thoughts.
Orla is now happily married with children but her relationships with her family have broken down. However, she did reconcile with her grandmother before she died. They talked about the abuse and her grandmother apologised to her.
She says that having suppressed what happened for years, she wants to be ‘a strong person’. She hopes that by sharing her experience it will help prevent other children from being abused.