Owain says he does not have negative emotions about what he experienced, but now knows it was abuse
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Owain was sexually abused for about five years by a friend of his older brother.
He says that at the time, the experience was not negative and he does not feel it had a ‘huge emotional impact’ on him. He says he feels very emotionally disconnected from the abuse, and wonders if this is a coping mechanism.
Owain was nine years old when a friend of his older brother began to abuse him.
The friend was about 18 and Owain feels the abuse may have happened because he was immature for his age and ‘not very bright’. Owain says he spent a lot of time with his older brothers and was therefore mature for his age. He does not feel that his abuser was predatory or malicious and he says his parents didn’t see him as a threat.
The first incident of abuse occurred while Owain and his brother’s friend were playing video games in one of the bedrooms in Owain’s house. He pulled down Owain’s trousers ‘for a joke’ and stroked Owain’s bottom. Owain says they agreed that they couldn’t tell anyone about this.
Owain’s brother’s friend often came around to ‘hang out’ with Owain to watch DVDs or play video games. He would occasionally give Owain money and bought him video games. Owain now feels that this was inappropriate.
Owain says ‘the sexual acts didn’t escalate much’ but they did happen frequently. Owain would sometimes undress and so would his abuser. Owain remembers one incident where he touched the older boy’s penis. Sometimes the behaviour would go into a ‘sexual pose', but he says it did not lead to any significant sexual contact or penetrative acts.
Owain’s parents knew that his abuser was visiting the house once or twice a week. Sometimes Owain said he didn’t want to hang out with him that day as he ‘was getting fed up’. His mum would send him away but she never asked Owain why he felt that way.
The abuse ended when his brother’s friend moved away, but Owain thinks it may have ‘fizzled out’ anyway. When his abuser visited after he had moved, Owain remembers that he felt a bit more assertive and said that it would not happen again.
When Owain was in his mid teens, he says he ‘sneered to his abuser that he was a paedophile’ and they have not had any contact since. Owain is glad that he now feels wary of him because he was young and vulnerable when the abuse happened.
Owain says that as a child he did not feel threatened and as an adult he still feels this way. He knows he often felt flattered by his interest and did not have negative emotions about his contact with the older boy. However, he accepts that what occurred was abuse as he was too young to consent. He thinks his parents would be devastated if they found out.
Although Owain does not feel that the abuse has had a significant effect on him, he reports that he has felt a bit confused about his sexuality. He has never had a relationship lasting beyond a few months, but adds that he doesn’t know if this is related to the abuse.
Owain concludes that speaking to the Truth Project has been a positive experience for him: ‘I would urge other people who have had experiences similar or different to mine, that this sharing experience might be the step they need to take, in the easiest possible way, in comparison to telling a loved one or telling a friend. This is actually much less burdensome and very straightforward.’