Paige’s family said she was ‘disloyal’ for reporting sexual abuse by a relative
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Paige describes her family as ‘troubled’.
She was sexually abused by an uncle and a cousin, but at the time she did not understand that this was not a ‘normal’ way to show love for family members.
Paige explains that many members of her family used drugs and drank alcohol. Her uncle, Tony, started to abuse her when she was about 11 years old and he was a young adult. She also experienced sexual abuse on one occasion by a cousin.
She says she realised that she was being sexually abused when she had a sex education lesson that included information about incest. She was about 12 at the time and she remembers how affected she was by what she heard.
The teacher made a joke about it and she remembers becoming very quiet and withdrawn. She certainly didn’t feel she could tell the teacher what was happening and there wasn’t anyone else she could talk to.
She began ‘acting out’, because she wanted someone to ask what was wrong, but no one did.
The abuse by Tony ended when Paige was in her mid teens. Social services were involved with her family and she was taken into care out of the area. Not long after this she told her social worker about the abuse.
The social worker reported it to the police and an investigation was carried out, but it did not proceed. Paige says some members of her family did not believe her allegation and accused her of being disloyal and ‘snitching’ on a family member.
Paige found the police investigation difficult because communication was poor and she was not offered any support after the case was dropped.
She struggled with depression afterwards, feeling she was not believed. She finds it hard to build trusting relationships and even be in the same room with men. She has felt she has had to say yes to sex, even if she didn’t want to.
Paige has clear views on how victims and survivors should be supported and how children should be kept safe. She believes that professionals should take careful note of the way youngsters behave, and ask questions. She says ‘Don’t take their first response at face value’.
She would like to see better support for victims and survivors during police investigations and more training for police officers. She would like to see earlier education on what is or is not sexually appropriate.
Paige is now in a good relationship, and feels supported by her social worker. She decided to share her experience with the Truth Project to feel a sense of closure because the man who abused her was not charged.