Paulie feels he was let down by several professionals he should have been able to trust
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Paulie regularly went home at weekends from his boarding school with bruises caused by assaults by other boys.
When he wrote to his mother about the abuse, the headmaster intercepted the letter.
Paulie was sent to boarding school in the 1980s, when he was seven years old.
The older boys regularly sexually and physically assaulted the younger ones in the dormitories.
He was a weekly boarder and usually went home at the weekends, but one weekend he had to stay in school. One of the teachers, Mr A, who was ex-army, invited him and two other boys to drink some wine.
He relates ‘The next thing I remember is coming in to the changing room, half-clothed, with no clue how I got there’. At the time, he says, he didn’t understand what might have happened, and it only dawned on him years later.
Mr A would often throw buckets of cold water on the boys, and other violent abuse was commonplace. Paulie still has scars from this.
Paulie would often try to run away from school, and misbehave, hoping he would be expelled. He once tried to jump out of his mother’s car on the way to school.
When he wrote his mother a letter telling her what was happening at school, the headmaster opened the letter and berated him, saying ‘No one is going to believe you’.
However, Paulie says that his mother did become concerned and took him to see doctors several times. He now knows from his medical records that she was described as ‘eccentric’. He recalls that a social worker was involved but is not sure whether they intervened in any way.
Despite often having bruises, including on his genitals, no action was taken by any of the health professionals who saw him.
The abuse ended when Paulie was 11 and his mother took him out of the school. He now knows that this was on the advice of a consultant who was treating him for a chronic condition. This doctor said that Paulie was showing signs that he was about to have a breakdown.
Paulie says that for many years he was in denial about the abuse he experienced. ‘My mind had kind of fenced it off’ he says.
When Paulie was in his 30s, he decided to report the abuse by Mr A to the police. There was an investigation, but it ended when the police discovered the teacher had died a few years previously. Paulie says he regrets not reporting the abuse earlier.
Paulie lives with several impacts from the abuse he suffered as a child. He experiences depression, anxiety and flashbacks. He finds it hard to trust people and does not like being touched, which affects his ability to form relationships. Certain sights and sounds can trigger memories of the abuse, and Paulie says he feels rage when he feels threatened.
He feels that he was let down by several health and education professionals. ‘The people that should be trusted.’ He emphasises the need for greater awareness and understanding of child sexual abuse. He feels concerned that many people still trivialise the subject, and even joke about it, and also deny it happens. ‘Part of being aware is believing it can happen’ he says.
Paulie would like to see better support for whistle-blowers, and more encouragement and funding to encourage victims and survivors, particularly males, to talk about abuse.
He says that he has never felt his voice has been heard and that sharing his experience has been a chance to have his say.