Penda’s cousin was allowed to visit her after he was convicted of sexually abusing her
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
After Penda’s father died, her family received a lot of support from her aunt, who had three children.
But one of these cousins sexually abused Penda.
Penda says that she enjoyed spending time with her cousins, especially the eldest boy, Gus. Gus was in his early teens. She thought he was ‘cool’ and had great fun with him. He was very helpful to Penda’s mother and she often asked him to babysit and sleep over at their house.
Gus began to sexually abuse Penda when she was five years old. She says it started with ‘touching’ but quickly escalated to oral sexual abuse and digital penetration. Penda says it was very painful and she did not understand the nature of what he was doing.
One day, Penda said to her mother ‘Gus keeps touching me and makes me feel sore’. Her mother simply told her to tell Gus to stop. When Penda passed this on to Gus, he was very angry with her, and she remembers that he also seemed a bit scared. But it wasn’t long before he began to abuse her again.
The abuse had been going on for about a year when Penda asked her mother a question about oral sex. Her mother immediately had a meeting with Gus and his mother. Gus became upset and denied that anything had taken place. Penda was called into the room and questioned.
She says that her mother accepted what she said, but did not report the abuse to the police. Penda describes her mother as a person who ‘puts everyone before herself’, and she feels that she put the needs of her sister and nephew before those of her own child.
However, her mother did speak to the family GP, who apparently advised that nothing needed to be done. She also spoke to a family friend, who conferred with another friend and they reported the abuse to the police.
Social services were involved, Penda was interviewed by the police and Gus was arrested and went to court. He was sentenced to spend a period of time in youth custody. Penda says her mother was ‘conflicted’ about this and helped his family to make a representation for his early release. One of the conditions was that he was not to have further contact with Penda.
However soon after he was released, Gus began visiting Penda’s home again, and even joined them on family holidays. Her mother told her that she should not discuss what had happened, and she says this made her feel she had done something shameful.
Penda had counselling, some of which was helpful. She attended a school that she describes as ‘traditional and stoic’. Of the teachers who knew what had happened to her, one responded well but another, who ‘despised weakness’, was spiteful to her.
Penda explains that Gus shows no remorse for having abused her and even worse, is still very much part of her mother’s life. She finds this very difficult to come to terms with and has led to a fractured relationship with her mother and the rest of her family.
She has also suffered many lasting impacts as a result of being sexually abused as a small child. She has struggled with an eating disorder, depression, has self-harmed and attempted suicide. She has been drawn into emotionally abusive relationships and risky sexual behaviour.
Penda would like staff in schools to receive better training on how to deal with children who have been sexually abused. She also thinks that social services should be more vigilant in ensuring that Court directions are followed and children are not exposed to more risk.
She received some compensation, but because she was a child, it was paid to her mother, who spent the money. Penda says that compensation to children should be put in trust for them to access when they are 18.