Penny was sexually abused by the deputy matron in the care home where she was a teenage volunteer
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Penny’s early childhood years were difficult. Her father had mental health problems and she was physically abused and emotionally neglected. The family frequently moved house.
When Penny was in her early teens, the matron of a local care home came into her school asking for volunteers. Penny decided to do this.
At the care home, Penny talked about her home circumstances with the matron, who passed the information to social services. Penny’s father was subsequently sectioned and he later blamed Penny for this. He ostracised her and encouraged other family members to do the same. Penny was no longer allowed to eat with the rest of her family at the table.
A new deputy matron came to work at the care home. Penny describes her as ‘larger than life’ and she took an interest in Penny, taking her on days out and inviting Penny to her home. Penny, who felt isolated at home, enjoyed the attention. As their friendship grew, the deputy matron would allow Penny to do things like wear her cardigan. On reflection Penny sees this as ‘daft’ but remembers that at the time it made her feel special.
Over time she noticed subtle changes in the deputy matron’s behaviour, such as closing the door when Penny was with her. One night, the deputy matron came into Penny’s room and began to kiss her, telling her to keep it a secret. She began to get into bed with Penny and to invite Penny into her bed. She would tell Penny that she was special and, because the relationship was important to her, Penny did not complain.
The sexual abuse escalated, and the matron began to touch her breasts and engage in masturbation. On their days out, she would take the opportunity to sexually abuse Penny and on occasions the deputy matron’s husband would make advances to Penny.
Penny had no experience of sexual relationships and no one to talk to about what was happening. She says that in her ignorance, she thought that her abuser’s behaviour towards her was something that she had invited or wanted. When she eventually told the deputy matron that she didn’t want it to continue, she tried to convince Penny that it was what friends did. Because her abuser was such a popular person, Penny did not speak out.
She adds that, to make matters worse, one of the workers in the care home found out about the abuse and told Penny that if she didn’t ‘do stuff’ with her, she would tell the matron about the deputy matron and Penny.
Penny says she was a bright girl who had been predicted A grades in her exams. During the period after the abuse her grades slipped but no one in her school questioned this.
For many years Penny blamed herself for what had happened. She says it is only recently that she has recognised how she was groomed and sees how vulnerable she was and how powerful her abuser was.
She recently Googled the deputy matron’s name and saw that about 20 years ago she was taken to an employment tribunal by a woman for sexual harassment.
Looking back, Penny feels that there were many indicators as to what was happening in the care home. The deputy matron would separate her from the others and spend lots of time with her alone in her office with the door locked.
Penny thinks that the abuse happened because she was isolated and because the deputy matron had the power as there was no one above her other than the matron, and Penny didn't want the matron to know.
The sexual abuse has left Penny with a fear of medical personnel as her abuser would often abuse her while wearing her uniform. Penny feels let down by her school as when her grades dropped they should have been proactive in spotting these warning signs.
Penny would like to see changes to the process of volunteering by children. She believes that there should be a volunteer coordinator and mentor for the child, and a multi-agency approach to supporting the child volunteer.
Penny thinks that if a staff member suspects child abuse has happened, it should be reported to an external body and failure to report should be a criminal offence. She would like to a code of conduct on handling child abuse matter and a ‘zero tolerance’ policy that all allegations are fairly assessed.