When Raquel had a child, she found it hard to understand the way her mother had treated her
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Raquel’s parents separated when she was a young child.
She and her sister were left in the care of her mother, an alcoholic and a sex worker who exposed her children to sexual abuse.
Raquel’s first memory of abuse goes back to when she was about six years old. She remembers a man who was naked lifting her onto himself and lifted up her nightdress. She did not tell her mother, and she comments that her mother would probably not have known who it was as she had so many partners.
When she was about eight, Raquel and her sister were placed in care. After a few placements with foster families they were sent to a children’s home.
The manager of the home, Rory, repeatedly sexually abused Raquel over several years. She says ‘Every opportunity, if he could …. he would’.
She didn’t tell anyone about the abuse. Although she had a succession of social workers, she did not feel she had a relationship with any of them. When she was a young teenager she told Rory to stop the sexual abuse and after that, it did not happen again.
Some years after they had left the home, Raquel’s sister told her that she had been exposed to sexual abuse by their mother, and that Rory had also sexually abused her. They both made statements to the police and more victims and survivors came forward.
A police investigation followed but a prosecution did not take place. Rory was living abroad by then. The police told Raquel that when they had mentioned her name to him, he said ‘I do vaguely remember her’. She describes the anger she felt at this response from a man who had ruined her life for so many years.
She also feels angry at the way her case was handled. She did receive a small amount of compensation but says it doesn’t feel anywhere near enough to make up for her lost childhood.
Raquel describes how she has struggled with feelings of worthlessness and an eating disorder, and has made bad relationship choices. She suffered with serious mental health difficulties after the birth of her first child and says the first three years of being a mother ‘were really hard’. She remembers that she couldn’t believe how much she loved her child and this made it hard to understand how her mother could have put her through so much.
Raquel went to college and gained qualifications to enable her to have a career. She is now married and takes pleasure in her family life. She has her eating disorder under control and finds exercising helpful for her wellbeing.
She doesn’t believe sufficient checks were made on staff when she was in care and she worries that checks are still inadequate because they only pick up on people who have a conviction.
Raquel adds that she is glad Childline exists and that there is more awareness of sexual abuse, because this helps children to speak up.
She hopes that sharing her experience with the Truth Project will give her closure.