Richie says victims and survivors may have conflicting feelings about the people who abused them
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Richie was bullied at school and his mother intervened on his behalf.
A charismatic teacher exploited his vulnerability and sexually abused him for several years.
Richie grew up in the 1960s. He was close to one of his brothers but by the time he started secondary school he did not have a good relationship with his father. He says this compounded his feeling that he had no one to turn to when the abuse started.
He describes his school as ‘rough’ and says he was picked on. His mother spoke to staff at the school about this and Richie believes that one of his teachers, Gabriel, spotted his vulnerability.
Richie was good at sport and he attended after-school activities, where Gabriel began to show him special attention. The teacher was a powerful and engaging character and he made a point of gaining the trust of Richie’s mother. He offered Richie lifts to and from activities and began taking him to sporting events at weekends.
It was after one of these events that Gabriel first took Richie to his flat and sexually abused him. The teacher undressed Richie and masturbated him. Richie was 12 years old and didn’t understand what was happening. He recalls being disturbed by the combination of pleasure and a feeling that something was not right.
The abuse continued for several years, until Richie was in his mid teens. Gabriel told Richie that if anyone asked if there was anything happening, he must deny it. As he grew older and bigger, Richie was able to fend off Gabriel’s advances but he found it hard to detach himself from the teacher.
Richie was subjected to sexual abuse from another perpetrator – a sports coach – when he was still in his mid teens. The middle-aged man trapped him in the changing room and indecently assaulted him.
As he became an adult, Richie says he tried to get on with his life. He married and had children, but, he says, the abuse he experienced as an adolescent affected him more than he ever thought it would.
It has had a significant impact on his relationships with his children, which have at times been difficult and uncomfortable for him.
After having counselling he decided to report Gabriel to the police. Another victim came forward and the case went to court. Gabriel was acquitted and Richie was shocked that he denied the allegations. He says he did not want Gabriel to go to prison or to suffer, but he wanted to be heard and believed.
The other victim’s case was heard separately and Gabriel was again found not guilty. Richie felt let down by the judicial system; he thought the judge should have allowed both cases to be heard at the same time, as it was the same perpetrator.
After the court case, Richie went through considerable turmoil and had suicidal thoughts.
Some years later, he married again, to a woman he says is his ‘saviour’. He has had more counselling and says this has given him a chance to heal.
Richie would like to see improved education for children and parents, to keep children safe from abuse. He adds that it should not be assumed that victims and survivors will necessarily feel anger towards perpetrators, as their feelings can be confused.
He believes counselling should be affordable for those who need it.
Richie says it can be distressing to see story lines about child sexual abuse in drama and fiction, but he believes that depicting it is beneficial, as it brings it out in the open.
He adds that it will take time to see the benefits of educating young children to keep themselves safe but raising awareness in schools will have a knock-on effect with parents and the media. He believes the Truth Project can play a role in this.