River says ‘There comes a point when you look back and realise how you were affected’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
After a family tragedy, River and his siblings were moved ‘from pillar to post’ around the care system.
He was abused in a children’s home and a foster home, and would like to see more careful checks made on all members of foster families.
River was born into a large family in the 1970s. When he was a baby, the family suffered a tragic bereavement that had a devastating effect on his mother, and all the children were put into care.
At first the siblings were placed together, but by the time River was about five, he and one of his brothers, Jake, were separated and sent to a foster family. He explains ‘The others were dispersed, which was very upsetting – as a family you don’t want to be split up’.
River thinks that the family fostered him and Jake with a view to adoption, but this did not work out. He believes that the foster parents wanted children who would be similar to their own, and do well at school. He has since seen notes on his file saying that the foster parents said he was ‘thick’.
After about six months, the boys were removed and sent to another children’s home.
When River was eight years old, two of the older boys in the home started sexually abusing him. He thinks they were in their mid teens. The abuse usually took place at night, when the staff were downstairs.
He says ‘I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I know some people would say that older kids “messing around” with younger kids is just experimenting, but it’s not, it’s about bullying and control’.
The older boys made threats about what would happen if River told anyone, so he didn’t. He adds ‘Kids never talked about abuse in those days’.
The abuse continued for about two years, when the home closed and the boys were sent to another foster family, recommended by a Catholic children’s society. River and Jake were not Catholics and they had to convert to the religion. River says he did not mind that.
However, like their previous foster placement, it was not a loving environment. The couple had children of their own, and one of them, Chris, who was in his mid teens, sexually abused River. The abuse began when River was 11, and went on for about six years, happening several times each week. River says that Chris also abused Jake.
The abuse stopped when River moved to another foster carer. His brother had already been moved without him knowing why, but he thinks it may have been because his brother made an allegation about Chris.
He adds ‘In the years I was in care, the last place was the best; they were a lovely family’.
Soon after he left care, his brother reported Chris to the police and asked if River would support him. He agreed, and Chris was charged. However, the case did not proceed because the Crown Prosecution Service said there was not a good enough chance of a conviction.
River said that during preparatory work on the case, he was asked ‘Did you and Chris have an affair?’ He says ‘It was not an “affair” … I wasn’t even at consensual age’.
Doubts were also raised about River being a reliable witness. He thinks this was because his and his brother’s accounts were not always consistent. But, he says, ‘the victim is not going to remember everything’.
River says that the abuse still affects him. ‘I can’t get it out of my system.’ It has affected his relationships with his brother and his partners and his ability to parent his child. He adds ‘I can’t find the emotion for certain things’.
He would like to see some changes to both the care and the justice systems to help protect children. These include evaluating the suitability of all members of foster families, not just the parents, and considering whether the burden of proof is too high for non-recent cases of child sexual abuse.
River is having counselling which he says is helpful and he plans to continue with it. He adds that although he knows he will not get justice in the courts for the abuse he suffered, he feels that sharing his experience with the Truth Project has given him some sort of justice.