Roland was one of many vulnerable boys who were targeted for sexual abuse by a Catholic priest
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
For many years, Roland did not want to remember details of the abuse he suffered as a child, and he blocked out a lot of his early memories.
He says he does not want to live with anger and resentment, and that motivates him to work towards recovery.
Roland grew up in the 1960s and 70s with his parents and siblings. The family were Catholics and his parents worked hard. Roland feels he was well provided for.
However, he adds ‘Both my parents were from a generation where you just didn't do emotions. I don't remember ever being hugged as a child or anything like that … it was just a different way of being’.
When Roland was about 11 years old, he started serving as an altar boy. The priest, Father Murphy, paid Roland a lot of attention and made him feel special. Roland says Father Murphy was very charismatic. ‘I totally fell in love with him and thought he had a halo’ he says. Father Murphy used to visit the family home and Roland adds that his mother ‘was besotted’ with the priest.
Roland was invited to join a residential trip organised by Father Murphy for boys from the local Catholic churches and children from residential care homes. He remembers how exciting this seemed – he loved the outward bound activities in the daytime, and in the evening Father Murphy would read them stories.
At some point on the trip, Father Murphy encouraged Roland to move from the main dormitory and share his bed. The priest sexually abused him. Roland describes feeling traumatised and numb afterwards.
Looking back, Roland can see he was vulnerable and that Father Murphy took advantage of this to groom and sexually abuse him. He describes himself as ‘classic easy meat for a serial paedophile … a young lad looking for love … very spiritually orientated’.
Roland says that other boys were sexually abused on these residential trips by Father Murphy and other men the priest brought along. He says that Father Murphy was very manipulative, and his behaviour encouraged the boys to compete for his attention. ‘There was a lot of juggling and competition about who was going to sleep in his room tonight’ he recalls.
He says that the priest and the other men who came to stay on the trips slept in a separate building from the boys’ dormitory. Different boys were taken to this building and sexually abused by the adults.
Roland and the other boys were excited to be away on an adventure; many of them were troubled and vulnerable, and this made it easy for Father Murphy and his accomplices to groom and sexually abuse them.
Father Murphy continued sexually abusing Roland for about a year. The abuse took place at the church where Roland was an altar boy and on residential trips, until Roland stopped attending them.
Many years later, Father Murphy was charged and convicted of sexual offences against Roland and other boys. Roland gave evidence in court. He says that during the investigation he always felt the police believed him, and he would like this to be the way that all victims and survivors are treated.
He also stresses the importance of support for victims and survivors before and after court cases, and making therapy or counselling available that is suitable for individual needs.
Roland has struggled with alcohol and drug abuse in the past, but he has found methods, such as meditation, to help him cope with his experiences.
He adds that he has good supportive friends and family who have also helped him.