Rowena was raped when she was a child, but social services labelled her ‘promiscuous’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Rowena describes her family as quite dysfunctional. After her parents divorced, her mother struggled to manage her three children.
She believes that if her mum had had the right help and support when she became a single parent, she wouldn’t have married the man who raped Rowena’s sister.
Rowena says her mum’s new partner, William, was ‘self-righteous and full of himself’. He was also aggressive, violent and a sex abuser. He raped Rowena’s eldest sister, who was in her early teens at the time.
Rowena believes their mother knew about this, as she slept downstairs when the two of them were upstairs. She adds that the police noted the rape as ‘consensual’ but says ‘How could a 13 year old girl have given consent?’
However, William did disappear for a time, before returning and marrying her mum. Rowena refused to refer to him as her stepfather.
When she was 11, Rowena was taken to the pub by her natural father. She got very drunk and her dad phoned a friend of the family, Bradley, to come and pick her up. He was 21 and he raped Rowena.
She explains that she was very unhappy at home and she ran away with Bradley. She was sure he loved her and that she loved him. The police found them but no action was taken.
Rowena’s family had a social worker who Rowena describes as ‘a hippy … she was very laid back’. She was aware of what was happening between Rowena and Bradley. Social services referred Rowena to a child psychologist but she says he was not helpful; he never asked any questions and she only saw him once.
When Rowena was at junior school she excelled in her studies. But by her final year, she ‘didn’t give a damn’. She was very rebellious and ended up being expelled. No one asked her what was going on and this turned out to be her final full year in education.
After this, Rowena was sent to an assessment centre and later to a residential centre. She says that although no one asked her about her problems, being there saved her life. She felt secure because no one came into her room, but she still put a chair up against the door.
When she was in her mid teens, she had to leave the centre as she was no longer considered a child. She was sent out with no help or support or any idea of how to get a job. She says she got pregnant very soon after as it was the only way she could think of to get a flat. She says she had a number of ‘disastrous’ relationships, but her current one is stable.
Rowena has recently seen paperwork from social services that described her as being ‘promiscuous, attention-seeking and wanting to be top dog’. The paperwork also showed that a number of people in social services were aware of the family and the relationships the girls were having.
She says that she believed that everything that happened to her was her fault, but now feels angry that she could have achieved more with her life if she and her family had been given the right choices, opportunities and support.
Rowena says that when she had her daughter, she decided to turn her life around and she does feel she was offered good support when she became a mother.
She now has a good job and her children are successful.