Saskia often feels that she will not be believed because of the reaction to her report of sexual abuse
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Saskia was sexually abused at a family party when she was 11 years old.
She reported the abuse at the time and again 10 years later, but feels let down by the response.
Saskia’s parents separated and her mother was in a relationship with a new man. One day, this man’s brother invited the family to a party at his house.
Saskia was sitting outside in a summerhouse with another guest called Lee, and his girlfriend. Lee, who Saskia thinks was in his 40s, called her over and told her to sit on his lap. At this point his girlfriend left, and with no one else around, Lee put his hand into Saskia’s top and down her trousers.
She remembers feeling very uncomfortable and tried to get away by saying she needed a drink of water. He tried to stop her going and made her promise to return.
Saskia told a friend at the party what had happened, then told her mother. The host confronted Lee, who protested that Saskia was lying, but he was told to leave.
The next day at school, Saskia was very upset and a teacher asked her what was wrong. Saskia was sent to see the school safeguarding officer and she reported what had happened to her. She thinks this teacher phoned her mother.
Saskia says her mother was concerned but did not know how to support her, and was reluctant to report the matter because she was worried about the effect it might have on her daughter. She did take Saskia to see the family doctor.
Saskia went to university and later worked in a role that involved supporting young people who had experienced child sexual abuse. This prompted her to report the abuse she had been subjected to 10 years previously.
She phoned the police and says that their initial response was very helpful. They interviewed her mother, her mother’s partner and his brother, and contacted the school, but there was no record of Saskia’s disclosure.
When the police interviewed Lee, he denied the abuse and said he had ‘accidentally rubbed against’ Saskia. In the end, the police told Saskia there was not enough evidence to proceed. At this stage, she felt doubtful that they believed her. She was very disappointed by this.
Saskia has difficulties with trust and relationships, and describes herself as ‘weird with men’. She is troubled by a feeling that she will not be believed in many different circumstances. She had difficulties accessing suitable therapy that was helpful.
She feels that schools should take their safeguarding responsibilities seriously and when pupils report sexual abuse, they should support them and retain all records.
Saskia says she is in a loving and supportive same-sex marriage and is successful in her work.