‘You didn’t have a chance to be a kid’ Sophia says, describing her abusive and traumatic childhood
All names and identifying details have been changed.
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When Sophia was seven years old, her mother took her and her siblings to live with a new partner.
Sophia’s stepfather was a Traveller and at first, the novelty of living in a caravan in the countryside was exciting. But, she says, life soon ‘went to hell’ for the family.
Her stepfather was a very violent man. Sophia says that everyone was afraid of him; among his fellow travellers ‘no-one would take him on’ and the authorities seemed frightened of him too. She now believes that he had a mental health disorder.
Sophia’s stepfather beat the children, and handed out cruel punishments, such as making them stand out in the snow at night. He made them work as physically hard as if they were adults.
He began sexually abusing and raping Sophia when she was about eight years old. He did this regularly, and threatened her with violence if she told anyone. She says that when her mother went to the shops, he would tell her siblings to go out too, ‘and that’s when it would happen’.
Sophia says she rarely went to school; ‘I wasn’t allowed to’. But she remembers that two school teachers sometimes came to the site. Social workers were also involved with her siblings at times, because they ran away.
After the family moved from the caravan into a house, the police often came to the door because of reports of fights and domestic abuse. Sophia says ‘The police would see mum battered but wouldn’t take any action’.
When she was under 16, Sophia became pregnant with her stepfather’s child. She tried to tell her mother but her stepfather claimed she had been sleeping with someone else.
A couple of years later, Sophia’s stepfather died.
Sophia has been left with several long-lasting impacts of the abuse she suffered. She suffered internal injuries from being repeatedly raped, and other injuries from being beaten. She has nightmares and flashbacks, and has attempted suicide several times. She became involved with a violent and abusive man.
Sophia feels that there were many opportunities for people in authority, including teachers, social services and the police, to realise that she and her siblings were being abused, but she thinks they were too afraid of her stepfather to take any action.
Sophia feels that it is vital that staff in schools keep an eye out for signs of abuse and take note of children who are being bullied. She adds that other professionals should pay attention to whether children are attending school and regular medical appointments, and where that isn’t happening it should be followed up.
After leaving her abusive partner, Sophia met and married a kind supportive man. She was able to talk to him about the abuse she experienced and says that without him ‘I wouldn’t be here now’.
Sadly, Sophia’s husband recently died and her grief brought back feelings related to the abuse. She has grandchildren, and is comforted by the fact that life is very different for them.