A predatory teacher exploited Sullivan’s confusion about his sexuality
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Sullivan was sexually abused by a teacher at the Catholic boys’ school he attended.
The abuse first occurred when he was 13 years old, and he believes the abuser sensed he was vulnerable and was struggling with his sexual identity.
A few years later, Sullivan became besotted with a boy at school. He says ‘I had no experience of the world, even at the age of 16. I’d never even seen pornography’. This became known around the school and a ‘whispering campaign’ began about him, which he says ‘deeply isolated and depressed me … I was the pariah of the class’.
The teacher, Mr White, who had previously abused him, noticed what was happening and invited Sullivan to his house. Sullivan thought it was for extra tuition. The teacher told Sullivan ‘You and I are gay’ and gave him literature on the subject, which Sullivan says he found helpul. Mr White stressed that Sullivan must not talk about this, or he would lose his job.
But, Sullivan says, ‘Then it turned into something else’. The teacher gave him a glass of spirits to drink and played a pornographic video. He vividly remembers the details of it, and how embarrassed and also frightened he felt, watching this with the teacher.
While they were watching the film, the teacher sexually abused Sullivan, touching his genitals. Sullivan says ‘I just sat there’. He doesn’t remember how he got home afterwards.
Mr White invited Sullivan to his house again. Sullivan describes the turmoil he felt about who he was, his sexuality, and his infatuation with the other boy. He was also uncertain whether he could refuse to do something a teacher had asked him to do. This time Mr White raped him.
Sullivan describes feeling ‘hollow and empty’. The teacher asked him to his house another time after this, and Sullivan says he doesn’t understand why he went. ‘I’ve spent years talking to therapists about it’ he says.
‘I was looking for answers … he used that information about me to manipulate me into the situation.’
He says his education ‘went out of the window’. He started missing school and failed all his exams.
Sullivan says ‘It has affected so much of my life’. He has struggled with trust, intimacy and relationships, and depression. He feels he has not been able to realise his true potential.
A few years ago, Sullivan contacted the school to report the abuse, but could not bring himself to give all the details.
Shortly after, he reported the abuse to the police. Mr White has claimed that he is unwell and the court case has been postponed several times. Sullivan feels he has been let down by the criminal justice system and wants the case to be heard in court.
Sullivan feels strongly after his experience with the police that victims and survivors who report non-recent sexual abuse should be treated with respect and have a private space to disclose.
He adds that all schools should provide ‘an impartial friend’ to offer advice and support for children.
Sullivan feels what happened to him was ‘not as bad’ as other people’s experiences of abuse.
He says ‘I don’t want undue sympathy when I know there are people in far greater need’.