Terri says ‘A lot of children like me were seen as problems, not children’
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Terri suffered physical, psychological and sexual abuse during her teenage years when she was in the care system.
She feels angry about the many ways she was let down, and has clear ideas about how children and young people could be better protected.
Terri was a bright child, but she was expelled from school in her early teens. As an adult, she has been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
She remarks ‘If someone had just said “Hang on; this child is very capable” … misdiagnosis of females is endemic because we are better at masking things’.
Terri was placed in foster care with a family she believes were chosen because they were of the same heritage as her.
Terri says that when she heard that she was being placed with this family, she told social services that she didn’t want to go. She was concerned about the ‘culture conflict of the older generation’ and worried that her behaviour would be harshly judged by the foster parents.
The biological child of the foster family regularly beat her up. As well as being physically abused, Terri says that the family spent the money they received for fostering her on their own children, while locking the fridge and telling her she couldn’t eat when she was hungry.
The placement ended.
Terri was then sent to a children’s home where she was sexually abused by men who were brought to the premises at night by a female member of staff. Terri comments ‘She was one of the few workers who was nice to us and I didn’t realise what she was doing was wrong’.
Terri and other young teenage girls were allowed to go out in cars with these men. One of the men, a man in his 40s, raped Terri. She became pregnant in her early teens and had a termination which had to be approved by social services.
Terri left the children’s home when she was 17. She says ‘I couldn’t wait to get out of care – if you can call it that – it was such a toxic environment. I had not had any counselling so I was leaving with a lot of baggage, although I didn’t understand that at the time’.
She describes how difficult it was trying to manage her life with insufficient support after spending so many years in care. ‘It was disastrous really ... I was never able to settle ... I’ve had so many jobs.’
She says it was helpful when she was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia. ‘I spent my whole life thinking there was something wrong with me but actually I’ve never been given the tools to cope with life in the way neurotypical people cope.’
Terri has seen her records, and reading them has added to her indignation and distress at the way she was treated as a child. She says ‘It looks like they wanted to offload me; that I was seen as a bad child. The way they wrote about me very much signalled that; they didn’t look for reasons for my behaviour’.
Shortly after Terri left care, she attempted to take her own life. After this she did receive therapy which she says was helpful. She still suffers with depression and has been on medication for her entire adult life.
Terri finds it particularly difficult to cope with disappointments and she says her relationships have suffered because of her experiences as a child. She describes feeling exhausted and isolated. She has a fear of ‘not being good enough’ and a sense of shame about the sexual abuse she experienced.
She feels frustrated at the difficulties and long waiting times she has encountered trying to access support. ‘Children who have been in care or traumatised need to be prioritised for support’ she says. ‘It’s costing society even more in the long run.’
Terri also feels strongly that too often, the wrong people make the wrong decisions about children in care. She says ‘The people who decide policies ... don’t have a clue what goes on in the care system. People who make decisions about placing children should have people like me at the table’.
She thinks it was too simplistic to send her to be fostered by a family of the same heritage as her. She says ‘We don’t need to look for carers that look and sound the same, it’s more important to have people genuinely interested in other cultures and willing to learn, and find the child the right placement’.
Terri adds ‘I think the majority of families who are fostering do it for the wrong reasons. They put on their best voices and look very supportive when the social worker comes twice a year, but you don’t know what’s really going on. And a lot of people looking after children are undertrained and underpaid’.
She believes that young people who have been in the care system, particularly those who have been sexually abused, need support beyond the age of 17, if necessary into their mid-20s. ‘You can’t just churn kids out as quickly as possible because they will come back to a system unable to deal with them.’
Terri has a child and she praises the excellent care and support she has received from her GP since her pregnancy.