Terrie says ‘Children need support and not judgment’
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Terrie describes a chaotic childhood. By the time she was taken into care, she had already been sexually abused and raped.
The care system did not protect her from further abuse.
Terrie says that when she was a young child, she was frequently left unattended by her mother, who was an alcoholic and had mental health problems. There was often no food in the house and she was bullied at school.
She was about 10 years old the first time she was sexually abused. The perpetrators were two friends of her mother’s, one male and one female.
When she was 12 years old she was raped by an adult man she didn’t know, who approached her at a sports centre and took her to a house. She did not feel able to tell anyone about any of the abuse she had experienced.
Terrie was known to social workers because of her mother’s behaviour. Shortly after the rape she was taken into care and was fostered by two people who knew her mother.
Her mother remained part of Terrie’s life and introduced her to another of her friends, who raped her regularly over several years. This led to a pregnancy when Terrie was in her early teens.
She had an abortion, which she believes was arranged by her social worker. A doctor in the hospital made judgmental and offensive comments about her lifestyle. No one asked her how she had become pregnant at such a young age or acknowledged that a crime had been committed, and she was not offered any support.
After the breakdown of her foster placement, Terrie was moved to a children’s home. Here a male member of staff took advantage of her vulnerable state and groomed and sexually assaulted her. At the time, she says, she did not recognise this as abuse.
From here, Terrie moved to another residential home. She describes this as the first place she felt safe and protected. The staff set clear boundaries and seemed to genuinely care about the children, and Terrie began to understand some of the abuse she had experienced in the past.
She reported the abuse she had experienced in the previous home and the police were informed, but the case did not progress due to lack of evidence.
Some time later, Terrie made another report to the police about all the abuse she had suffered earlier in her life, and asked that the care worker be reinvestigated.
She heard nothing from the police for many months. When she chased up her case she was eventually told they would not take any action because she was not seen as a credible witness, due to her chaotic childhood and promiscuous behaviour.
Terrie describes how outraged, distressed and let down this made her feel.
She adds that although social workers were involved throughout her teenage years, none of them asked her about her life and she felt she had no one she could trust to talk to about the abuse. She says that because of her low self-esteem, she believed that the abuse was ‘normal’ and that she deserved it.
She now understands that her childhood experiences made her feel this way, and this was made worse because she had no positive role models in her life. This left her feeling worthless and depressed and has affected her relationships with partners.
She has difficulties with intimacy because she associates all sexual behaviour with abuse. She suffers from depression, mental illness and suicidal feelings, which she is managing with ongoing therapy.
In future, Terrie would like professionals working with vulnerable children to be better informed and more engaged with children so they feel encouraged to speak out if they need help.
She feels very strongly that young people must not be labelled troublesome or promiscuous, and that professionals must take the time to get to know the child and understand why they might be behaving a certain way.