Thomas-John

Thomas-John was affected for most of his adult life by sexual abuse that he was subjected to in the post-war years.

More recently, he has acknowledged what happened to him, and made a great effort to understand it and find inner peace.

Thomas-John was born towards the end of the Second World War. His early life was typical of that era. He writes ‘I had a normal happy childhood after the war years, always playing outdoors as we did then with children of the same age’.

He had difficulty learning to swim, and when he was 12 years old his mother arranged for him to have lessons with an instructor at the local swimming baths. 

This instructor sexually abused Thomas-John at the baths over several weeks. 

Thomas-John says ‘It was humiliating and I was very fearful. Though I knew it was wrong we were brought up to obey our elders’.

Like many boys of that generation, Thomas-John wanted to join the armed forces when he grew up, and the swimming instructor persuaded him to join the local cadets, where he was an instructor.

Thomas-John says that the instructor continued sexually abusing him at cadets, until he ‘broke away’ after a couple of weeks. He continues ‘I saw no more of him and like most abused children put the experiences out of my mind’.

He remembers feeling angry and insecure as a youngster, and having fantasies about violent revenge. He did not pursue his ambition to join the forces, but took up an apprenticeship, got married and later emigrated.

Thomas-John now understands the ways the abuse affected his whole life.

‘I have never felt love’ he writes, describing how he was unable to show empathy for his wife or anyone else. He comments ‘My take upon seeing a supposed “love” film or play was “that didn't happen in real life”’. 

Thomas-John continues ‘I started to think what was wrong with me, not long before my marriage break-up’.

After he divorced, Thomas-John became aware of media coverage of child sexual abuse. ‘I think that was the start of the recognition of who I was’ he says. 

He had never told anyone about the abuse he suffered, until he met someone with experience of working with abused children and confided in her. ‘She was a big help in my self-help’ he says.

Thomas-John contacted the leisure company that now runs the swimming baths, and also the branch of the armed forces that ran the cadet group he attended, asking for more information about the instructor. Neither organisation was responsive or helpful.

He has thought deeply about his experiences and says ‘I now know that there is only love. There are many kinds of love, romantic, parental, siblings and associates’.

But he adds that he believes the only way a person can love others is by learning to love themselves. He describes himself as spiritual, but not religious, and feels proud that he is able to offer support and friendship to others.