Timothy says youth workers are important for young people, but they must be carefully checked
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Timothy describes his family background as ‘quite underprivileged’.
He was targeted for sexual abuse by a football coach, who began by grooming him with gifts and outings that his family could not have afforded.
Timothy thinks he was seven or eight years old when he started attending a boys’ football club in his small home town.
The coach, George, was not a close friend of his parents, but was known to them.
Shortly after he joined the club, along with lots of other boys, George began paying him a lot of attention. Timothy relates ‘He showered me with gifts, like football boots. Then he started taking me to watch league matches – just me on my own … that’s when it started’.
One evening when George was driving Timothy home after a match, he started touching Timothy’s genitals. He sexually abused Timothy at least once a week over the following seven years or so.
George also ran a youth club and he arranged for Timothy to help him. This provided more opportunities for abuse, which escalated to masturbation and oral sex.
When Timothy was in his mid teens, he became interested in girls. He told George he wanted him to stop what he was doing. He relates ‘I was confused, but I started to realise it wasn’t what I wanted’. ‘I think he was upset’ he says.
Later, as an adult, Timothy heard that George had been convicted of sexual abuse offences against another child.
He describes the impact that being sexually abused has had on him. ‘It’s had a profound effect on my life, mentally I struggle quite a bit’.
Timothy suffers with depression and anxiety, and this can be triggered when he travels near to places where he was abused by George. Up to his early twenties he was a heavy drug user.
He has had difficulties with sex and relationships but says he feels lucky to be happy with someone now. He has children and feels he is overprotective of them. In the past, he has felt that he should not show them any physical affection.
Timothy says that when he was being sexually abused ‘I’m not sure I showed any signs … I was good at keeping it secret’. He adds that when it became public knowledge that George had been convicted of child sexual abuse, he found it very difficult when his childhood friends were talking about it. ‘I didn’t want to say anything; I would be thinking “that was me”’ he says.
He believes that there is better protection for children now than when he was young. ‘These days people are more aware of what can happen’ he says.
Timothy would like to see better availability of counselling. He had difficulties accessing services and paid for private therapy ‘because I was in a bad way’. He would also like to see more resources for well-regulated youth services because he believes that if the right checks are in place these are very beneficial for young people.
He concludes by saying ‘I thought it would be good to speak about what happened to me and maybe help other people’.