Winnie wants to help engage ethnic minority community members with the Truth Project
All names and identifying details have been changed.
Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Winnie grew up in a large and chaotic family. Her parents had a volatile relationship, and her mother was an alcoholic. She was sexually abused by an older boy, and a pastor who ran a gospel choir.
She believes that within ethnic minority communities, a culture of not engaging with authorities can prevent sexual abuse being reported. Winnie says she was exposed to adult sexual activity from an early age. Her father watched pornography with his friends, and she witnessed adults having sex.
When she was about five years old, Winnie was sexually abused by a friend of her brother, called Quinn, who was a few years older than her. Quinn pretended it was a game but Winnie says she knew it wasn’t right.
Winnie recalls there being a sleepover at her house one night with no parental supervision. There were four youngsters in the bed, including Quinn, who tried to penetrate her. She rolled over her brother to get away from him.
When Winnie was 10 years old, her mother died. Her parents had separated and she and her younger brother went to live with an older sister. This home was also chaotic and Winnie was exposed to prostitution, drugs and alcohol.
Winnie sang in a gospel choir, travelling to different churches all over the country, driven by a pastor, Brother A. She says he was ‘very friendly’ and lots of children went to his house.
On one occasion, when she was staying overnight in his home, Winnie was in bed with Brother A, two other girls and her younger brother. She woke up to find the pastor trying to penetrate her. She moved away from him and from then on she always avoided being alone with the pastor.
She told the choir mistress what had happened but the woman refused to believe her and took no action.
Winnie says she felt the abuse was her fault because of the way she looked, and that because it was connected to the church, it must be ‘some kind of punishment’. She believed the pastor ‘was doing all these good things for children’ who were neglected by their parents, and she felt very conflicted.
Winnie considers that the black community does not report any activities that go on in the home, to avoid the police and other services and authorities. She knew the abuse that had happened to her was wrong and she ‘felt dirty’, but there was no-one to report to. She says ‘I didn’t think I had rights that protected me as a human being’.
However, when she was 12, Winnie did ask social services to place her in care, but she was told to go home. At that point, she began self-harming. She describes how she didn’t like herself and was sure it was something in her that ‘was making these things happen’.
She left home at the earliest opportunity and says she got into abusive relationships and drug taking. No one questioned why she was like that.
Since then, Winnie has studied psychotherapy to try to understand her feelings and reactions. She works to help other victims and survivors of child sexual abuse in ethnic minority communities understand and report abuse.
Winnie thinks it is likely there are other victims of sexual abuse by the pastor. She would like the church to take responsibility for upholding standards in recruiting and bringing sexual abuse to light.
She feels that generally, more compassion should be shown to children and she would like to be involved in helping to engage ethnic minority communities with the Truth Project.