Wyatt says a young lad might feel ‘lucky’ to have a sexual experience, but in reality it is damaging
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Participants have given us permission to share their experiences.
Wyatt was sexually abused by the matron of his children’s home.
He didn’t understand it was abuse at the time, and it has significantly affected his life.
Wyatt’s mother died when he was about four or five years old, and he and his siblings were taken into care.
He remembers the children’s home being very strict. He shared a room with another, older boy who was about 16. He doesn’t remember many details but he recalls the boy sexually abused him. Staff became aware of this because they said Wyatt had to move to another room.
When he was 11, a new couple arrived to take over the running of the home. He says the atmosphere changed for the better – ‘they gave us pocket money and clothing allowances and we were encouraged to talk, and we really enjoyed all that’.
The new matron, Nancy, began to show Wyatt more attention than most of the other children. He says ‘I felt privileged she was giving me this attention’. But this developed into her sexually abusing him, taking him into her bedroom at night when her husband was not there.
Although she was fairly young, Nancy was still very much older than Wyatt. Later on, Nancy and her husband fostered Wyatt as he prepared to leave the care system, and the abuse continued.
At some point, he says ‘She didn’t want me any more’. Under pressure from her, Wyatt had ended a relationship with a girlfriend his own age.
He says that at the time, he didn’t consider what was happening to him as abuse. ‘When you’re a young lad, you feel you’ve got lucky. But it’s too early and it has an effect on you in later life.’
As an adult, he says he tried to forget what had happened in his past. But after he had therapy he accepted he still had unresolved issues about it, and he eventually reported the matter to the police.
Wyatt has been disappointed by his experience of the justice system. Although Nancy was traced and interviewed, she denied the allegations and the case did not proceed.
A member of staff had witnessed the abuse once, but she had died by the time of the investigation, and her evidence could not be used. Another potential witness refused to give a statement.
While he was being abused, Wyatt says he was treated as ‘the favourite’. He understands now the effect this had on his relationships with his siblings and the other children in the home.
For some time he found it very difficult to have relationships with females his own age.
Wyatt says the counselling he had was excellent. He feels that good quality therapy for victims of abuse is vital and that it should be properly funded, rather than being left to voluntary organisations. He thinks these organisations do an excellent job, but says it is very skilled work and they should be paid to do it.
He says that inspections of children’s homes need to be more thorough. ‘If the people who came to see us every year had done their jobs properly, my life would have been different.’ He adds that children of different ages should not share accommodation and that children should be able to discuss concerns without fear of repercussions.